I got ubersilly on Twitter after ODing on yard sale preparations. This is what happened:
Not to Their Lycan
By @Scath (title courtesy @cornix_regina)
Part 1
So, there’s these two vampires and they both sparkle. But the chick one somehow becomes human, and her BF vamp now hates her.
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And the chick one realizes she’s missed being human, so runs away before he can make her a vampire again. She runs into a werewolf dude.
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Only she doesn’t know he’s a werewolf at first and they make with the sexing. She gets preggers! Super fast pregnancy occurs.
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And ex-vampire chick gives birth to a puppy! Just as her ex-vampire boyfriend tracks her down!
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Her new werewolf boyfriend fights him. Blood splashes. There’s gore. Fangs! Muscles rippling, hair flying & of course, sparkling going on!
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@GabrielGadfly O.o I totally want to know what kind of powers a half-ex-vampire puppy has.
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I let you know when I find out. Hehe. =)
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@janoda whoa I missed the tweet where the puppy came to earth!
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Where were we? Oh…blood, gore, rippling muscles, hair flying and sparkling! Ex-vamp chick is watching while cuddling her puppy baby.
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And Werewolf Dude suddenly has the upper fang! But ex-vampire chick screams “Nooooooooooo!”
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@tenaciousN I have no idea what this is in reference to, but it cracked me up. 
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Check my tweet stream. I’m throwing words at it. Heh. =)
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And ex-vampire chick runs between them like a madwoman! Vampire dude sees his chance! Werewolf Dude grabs his puppy baby away!
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Vampire Dude BITES Ex-vampire Chick! She screams “Noooooooooooo!” Werewolf Dude screams “Nooooooo!” And puppybaby cries!
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@tenaciousN Oh, sparklies. I see. *shudder*
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And…and….oh my gawd! Ex-vamp Chick falls down dead because Vampire Dude lost his friggin mind and drained her dryer than the Sahara!
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Werewolf Dude knocks Vampire Dude’s head clean off while howling in grief. Vampire Dude explodes into sparkly ashes!
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Werewolf Dude takes his puppybaby and walks sadly away after burying Ex-vampire Chick’s body.
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The End…or is it? There’s a sequel!
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And tomorrow night, the exciting sequel to the puppybaby story!
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You know it’s exciting because of all the exclamation points!!! LOL :p
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@AngelBenson54 LOL I love it
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@crookedfang O.o You have an overactive imagination. Werewolves. Pfft. Everybody knows there’s no such thing. XD
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Yeah, so sayeth the vampire. Heh. =p
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@crookedfang Yup! I got nothin’ else. >.>
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@cornix_regina I repeat are u ok? Entertaining yes but are u sure ur ok?
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@cornix_regina or was that “Twilight – What Really Happened” hehe
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@janoda that was awesome! I want more!
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@kaitnolan Well now you’ve snared my curiosity.
Part 2
Recap: Werewolf Dude took Vampire Dude’s head off after Ex-Vamp Chick was drained. VD (heh heh) exploded into sparkly dust!
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@janoda Does that mean I missed the sequel?
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Still recap: Werewolf Dude buried Ex-Vamp Chick, took their puppybaby and left, grieving most grieviously!!
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What Werewolf Dude didn’t know was that Vampire Dude’s sparkly ashes mixed with grave dirt!!! Ex-Vamp Chick was revived!!!
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As a Vampire Chick again! And Vampire Dude was sharing her bod! Vampire Chick said “Oh, nooooooooooo!”
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Vampire Dude was all “I’m a CHICK now? WTF?” and then he said “Noooooooooo!”
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Two vampires in one body means one powerful dang thirst for blood going on, and so off they went after….Werewolf Dude!
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Who could hear them coming because he’s a werewolf, so he ran faster, carrying Puppy Baby!
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But Vampire Chick is now twice as strong and twice as fast! So she/they catch up with Werewolf Dude!
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“Noooooooo!” said Werewolf Dude, holding Puppy Baby up. “What about our love?” Vampire Chick stops. Vampire Dude takes over!
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@janoda I need you to recap who Vampire Chick loved at the end yesterday. I was suspecting some inner conflicts about going after WD
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She didn’t make it clear who she loved! Dumb Vampire Chick.
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Where were we? Oh, Vampire Dude has taken charge of the shared body! He snatches Puppy Baby away from Werewolf Dude!
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Werewolf Dude says “Nooooooooo, not my Puppy Baby!” and slugs Vampire Chick’s body.
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Vampire Dude says “Ouch!” and Vampire Chick takes over because Vampire Dude is a wuss as a girl.
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“It’s my Puppy Baby too!” she says! And runs away with Puppy Baby! Werewolf Dude chases after her/them!
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But she’s so much faster and stronger now, they get away from Werewolf Dude! He falls down and howls out his heartache!
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Vampire Dude tries to take the body back over to drink Puppy Baby’s blood! But Vampire Chick doesn’t let him!
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@janoda C’mon Werewolf dude. Do an exorcism and win back the love of Vampire chick! And make more puppies!
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“Noooooooo! It’s my Puppy Baby and you can’t do that!” she yells! And Vampire Dude gets locked into a dark corner!
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Vampire Chick runs far, far away and finds a crypt to live in. She raises Puppy Baby ALL BY HERSELF!
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@tenaciousN Yay! The sparkly vampire mocking continues!
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Because Puppy Baby grows really, really, REALLY fast! And he’s a he! And he has sparkly fur when he changes!
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I haz sparkly werewolf now! =)
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@tenaciousN Sparkly werewolves are even more wrong than sparkly vampires. Glitter fur. *shakes head*
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Puppy Baby looks twenty in just two weeks! And Werewolf Dude finally tracks them down! He’s angry he missed the pup’s childhood!
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“Noooooooo! I missed Puppy Baby growing up!” he says! Vampire Chick knows she’s in deep kimchees now!
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“I…I…never loved you!” she says! Werewolf Dude falls down and howls in grief! His world is shattered!
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@janoda SHE LIES!
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Vampire Dude breaks out of his dark corner! He takes control of the body! Attacks Werewolf Dude
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There is blood! Gore! Fangs flashing! Claws! Dirt and hair flying! And yes….SPARKLING!!!!!!
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Oh…and muscles. Let’s not forget the muscles.
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Poor Puppy Baby cries, because he’s still a puppy even if he’s all grown up! Werewolf Dude says “Stop!!”
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@janoda Oh no! You’re not going to make it a menage are you?
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And Vampire Chick says “STOP!!!” inside her head, but Vampire Dude DOESN’T STOP! He tears Werewolf Dude’s heart out!
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Werewolf Dude falls down a final time. No howling, because HE’S DEAD! “Nooooooo!” says Vampire Chick! “Noooooo!” Says Puppy Baby!
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Wait! Werewolf Dude’s only almost dead! “I loved you! Nooooo!” he says. Vampire Chick sparkles and cries!
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Werewolf Dude dies, for reals! “Noooooo!” says Puppy Baby! He leaps onto Vampire Chick. “Bitch!”
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“Puppy Baby, I am your mother!” she says! But more gore! More blood! More sparkling, double sparkling!
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Vampire Dude tries to take over the body again! But Puppy Baby is big and strong and has muscles and is pissed off!
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Puppy Baby knocks Vampire Chick/Dude’s head clean off! Explosion of sparkly ashes! “Nooooooo! I killed my mommy!”
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Puppy Baby falls down and howls, then chokes on some sparkly ashes still swirling around!
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Once Puppy Baby stops choking, he buries Werewolf Dude! And then runs far, far away!
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Poor Puppy Baby, all alone in the world. The end…or is it? Because…there’s another sequel!!!!!!
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While Puppy Baby’s running, Vampire Chick’s sparkly ashes are doing the wild thing with Werewolf Dude’s corpse!
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And they will meet again! Oh yes they will! The end! Until the next sequel!
Part 3
And now…the exciting third episode of Not to Their Lycan!
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Where we left off: Vampire Dude/Chick dusted! Werewolf Dude dead and buried! Puppy Baby running off, howling in grief!
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Puppy Baby runs fast and far! Meanwhile, back at the crypt, Vampire Dude/Chick’s sparkly ashes are sexing up Werewolf Dude’s corpse!
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Puppy Baby runs and runs…and runs! Then he stops running, because even vampy, sparkly-furred werewolves can’t run forever!
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Puppy Baby walks alongside a lonesome road in the middle of nowhere! He hears a vehicle! It’s an old truck! With a girl driving it!
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Girl pulls over the truck and asks “Do you need a lift?” Puppy Baby takes one look at her long, dark hair & big, brown eyes & falls in LUUV!
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@fstop23 I think I have this DVD (grin)
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Next she asks “What’s your name?” Puppy Baby says “Puppy Baby!” Girl says “That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard!”
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Puppy Baby is crushed by her cruelty, and droops like melting jello in the hot sun!
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Girl looks at Puppy Baby, and her heart does flip flops! And cartwheels! “I’ll take you home and call you George!”
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Puppy Baby says “Okay!” and gets into Girl’s truck! Off they drive down the lonesome road until they get to her house!
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Now for a commercial break: Have you been feeling…not so fresh?
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Commercial: Well, don’t worry, because we have sparkly spray so that you too, can sparkle in the sun whenever you want to!
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Commercial: And smell good while doing it! End commercial break.
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Puppy Baby aka George gets out of her truck when they arrive! Girl leads him into house! Puppy Baby aka George is excited!
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Though being only two weeks old and looking twenty, Puppy Baby aka George has no idea why he’s excited! He just is!
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And Puppy Baby aka George acts on his excitement! Girl thumps him with rolled up newspaper for humping her leg!
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“Bad George!” she scolds him! Puppy Baby aka George whimpers and slinks off to a dark corner to lick his wounds!
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Somewhere far, far away: The ground erupts, dirt flying everywhere! There are sparkles! Out lunges….
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Zombie Werewolf Dude with Vampire Chick stuck in his rotting mind! “Oh nooooooooooo!” Vampire Chicks says!
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“What did you do to me?” Zombie Werewolf Dude says! “Me? I didn’t do this!” Vampire Chick shrieks!
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“Where’s our baby?” they both scream! And rush off into the dark night to find Puppy Baby!
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Puppy Baby creeps out of his dark corner thanks to Girl coaxing him with a big piece of steak!
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Then Girl jumps on Puppy Baby! “This is how you do it right!” she says!
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There is howling! Heavy breathing! Sweatings! And then Puppy Baby bites Girl! “Noooooooooo!” she says!
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But it is too late! Girl is now VampWere SparklyFur Girl! OMG!
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She spanks Puppy Baby aka George soundly and puts him in a coffin for beddy bye!
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And Puppy Baby aka George likes it!
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But he doesn’t like waking up to find VampWere SparklyFur Girl is PREGNANT! “Noooooo!” he says!
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VampWere SparklyFur Girl’s stomach explodes 10 seconds later! There is blood and gore and meaty things everywhere!
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“Noooooooooo!” she says! “Grooooooossssssss!” Puppy Baby says! But he catches the little puppy that leaps out! “My son!”
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VampWere SparklyFur Girl bites Puppy Baby! She drinks his blood! And heals all the way up!
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“Yaaaaay!” says Puppy Baby! “Now we can live happily ever after with our own little puppy baby!”
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“As long as we name him Herman!” VampWere SparklyFur Girl says! Puppy Baby says “Okay!” Herman says “Noooooooooooo!”
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Puppy Baby aka George, VampWere SparklyFur Girl and Herman settle down into a peaceful family existence! Yaaaaaay!
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Stay tuned for part four of Not to Their Lycan…coming whenever I get goofy enough to do it! =)
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@AngelBenson54 Yay Puppy Baby!
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@AngelBenson54 TeamPuppyBaby!!!
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@Zoe_E_W Nooooo! Hahaha! Love it!
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@AngelBenson54 claps hands together -clap clap clap- xD
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@cornix_regina OMG just read it….Twilight the ex rated and gory version hehe!!!
Part Four
When we last saw them, Puppy Baby aka George, VampWere SparklyFur Girl & Herman settle down into a peaceful family existence!
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While Zombie Werewolf Dude & Vampire Chick are one & have rushed off into the dark night to find their Puppy Baby!
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@AngelBenson54 #TeamPuppyBaby YAY!!!!!
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Puppy Baby, VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl & Herman have two whole days of peaceful family existence! And then a witch moves in next door!
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@cornix_regina I could do with some #TeamPuppyBaby after the day I have had…
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The witch thinks Puppy Baby is HAWT! VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl decides to kill Witch Girl in her sleep!
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“No one’s gonna mess with MY family!” VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl says! Herman hears, but can’t talk yet!
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Puppy Baby goes hunting! It’s hungry work being parents to a newborn sparkly vampwere puppy baby!
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Zombie Werewolf Dude & Vamp Chick smell Puppy Baby! They run faster to find him! And burst out, scaring him half to death!
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“Our Puppy Baby!” They hug him! Puppy Baby is freaked out by the reappearance of his father, who sounds like his mother!
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So Zombie Werewolf Dude explains! And Vamp Chick says “When has our family ever been normal?” And they all laugh!
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Puppy Baby tells them about VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl and their baby, Herman! His parents are shocked, but happy! “Yay, we’re grandparents!”
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No one mentions the fact that Puppy Baby is only 17 days old and looks 20 years old, so maybe shouldn’t be sexing girls up yet!
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@cornix_regina well it’s only to be expected with faster development…lol!
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Puppy Baby leads them to his new home, eager to introduce them to VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl and Herman! They run! Fast!
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But then they slow down because chunks are falling off of Zombie Werewolf Dude and Vamp Chick’s body! Which is gross!
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@ericjwriting ewwwwwwwwwwww! Lol
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“Oh, nooooooo! We’re falling apart! What if we don’t make it to meet them?” Zombie Werewolf Dude yells!
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“Just walk slower, doofus!” Vamp Chick says! “Do I have to do all of our thinking?” And they walk slower!
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Meanwhile, VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl is sneaking around next door, finding a way into Witch Girl’s house! Oh noooooooes!
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Baby Herman is home all alone and not even 72 hours old yet. But he’s walking already! So he toddles outside and into the woods!
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Witch Girl lies in wait for VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl & stakes her when she gets in! “Nooooooooooo!” screams VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl!
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There’s blood spraying and then a thud as she falls down DEAD! Witch Girl sighs and shakes her head! “Dumb hybrids!”
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And now for a commercial break! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tieA5wfcgH4 (NSFW)
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@cornix_regina infect witch girl with vampwere sparkly fur girls blood so she becomes a hybrid too hehe!
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Have another plan for her body! =)
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@cornix_regina omg the baby…! That ad was so funny 
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Puppy Baby walks into his house and there’s no one there! Bits fall off Zombie Werewolf Dude & Vamp Chick as they help him look around!
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“Nooooooooooo! Where are they?” Puppy Baby yells in horror! “Where’s my Baby Herman?”
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Baby Herman is wandering towards Witch Girl’s house, hot on the trail of his mother! Witch Girl is making tea!
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Zombie Werewolf Dude shifts shape! So does Puppy Baby! They sparkle everywhere! And start sniffing around for a trail to follow!
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Witch Girl hears scratching on her door! Baby Herman looks up when she opens it! “How cute! Come in, little one” she says!
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Baby Herman goes inside! Witch Girl looks around outside and smiles before shutting the door!
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Puppy Baby and his parents run through the woods to next door! Puppy Baby smells VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl’s blood! “Oh, nooooooo!”
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“She’s dead, Dad!” he cries! Zombie Werewolf Dude/Vamp Chick shift back and hug Puppy Baby while he wails in grief!
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Witch Girl hears the racket and goes outside! They freeze, seeing that she’s holding….Baby Herman! “Oh, noooooo! Don’t hurt him!”
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“I wasn’t planning to hurt anyone!” Witch Girl declares. “Your mate came to kill me! It was self-defense!”
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“Oh.” Puppy Baby says. “Why would she do that?” “Because I think you’re cute!” Witch Girl says back! Zombie Werewolf Dude grins!
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“Chip off the ol’ block!” He says, but Vamp Chick says “Hush!” and he does because she’s in his head and everything.
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“You do?” Puppy Baby asks, watching her cuddle Baby Herman! “Yes!” Witch Girl answers! So he asks, “What’s your name?”
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“It’s Mary Sue!” Witch Girl says! “What a beautiful name!” Puppy Baby flirts, unable to stop himself even though he’s newly widowed!
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@cornix_regina I hope that’s part of a cunning revenge…
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“I know!” Witch Girl, I mean, Mary Sue says! “I’m pretty damn awesome! Way better than VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl was!”
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Puppy Baby fell helplessly, totally in love with her right that second! “Marry me! Be Baby Herman’s new mommy! We’ll have more babies!”
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Mary Sue nods and takes complete charge of everyone’s lives because she’s so awesome and knows better, plus she’s a superpowered witch!
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“First, we need to fix your parents, because I’m letting your dad drop rotting bits all over my clean kitchen floor!”
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“Go get VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl’s body and bring it down here so I can do a spell and show you how powerfully awesome I am!”
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Puppy Baby says “Okay!” and does as told without even caring! Baby Herman is fascinated by his new momma!
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Zombie Werewolf Dude/Vamp Chick are confused. “How are you going to fix us?”
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“Don’t worry about it! I’ll fix everything!” Mary Sue aka Witch Girl says! Down the stairs comes Puppy Baby with the body!
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Mary Sue aka Witch Girl hands Baby Herman over to Puppy Baby, then kisses Puppy Baby! On the lips!
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“Go stand over there!” she orders him. “You, over here by the body and lie down!” Zombie Werewolf Dude/Vamp chick obey without thinking!
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Mary Sue aka Witch Girl casts a powerful spell! VampWere Sparkly Fur Girl’s body becomes whole and sits up! It looks like Vamp Chick now!
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“I have a body of my own again!” Vamp Chick says! “Oh, thank you Mary Sue! You are so pretty and awesome and powerful and perfect!”
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“Thank you. Now step aside!” Mary Sue aka Witch Girl casts another spell! Zombie Werewolf Dude is just Werewolf Dude again! “Yayyyyy!”
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Mary Sue aka Witch Girl dusts off her hands! “Now I’ve fixed everything that was wrong! So don’t screw it up again!”
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“We won’t!” Everyone promises. She takes Baby Herman and hands him over to them. “Go live in the other house! It’s our honeymoon tonight!”
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So Werewolf Dude, Vamp Chick and Baby Herman go to the other house! Puppy Baby carries Mary Sue over the threshold and upstairs!
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And there is heavy breathings! Moans and gasps! Sweatings! Also some happy yippings!
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And the next morning, there are two more added to the family! And they all live happily ever after! The End
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@cornix_regina that’s not a happy ending…
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Sure it is, LOL. Mary Sues always make everything perfect and covered in rainbows! =P
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@dracotorre *Applause* #TeamPuppyBaby
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@cornix_regina would have been better if Puppy Baby got back with Herman and family not Mary Sue…but now all I can think of is rainbow guy lol!
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